Sepent's Skull/ Zanton Edition

Into the Rectum of the Darkland


On Serayla’s suggestion, before going through the portal, the party spent a week in Saventh-Yhi, and teleporting around the world beyond, buying supplies, selling treasures, and having wondrous items created and improved. Shining armor became shinier, coffers became lighter, and Smurfs became smurfier. The week was not entirely good for them, however, as Hal had fallen sick, and the immortal alien death-beast and his pet wizard were forced to leave the group and search for a cure. After finishing with the trip, the party ventured to the portal, repaired the powering gems, and stepped through the gate into the dark tunnel beyond.

On the other side they found…nothing. A dark and empty natural tunnel extended before them. Behind them there was only a blank wall. After marking their location, they pressed onward, Davor the merc and Skweesh on point, reporting back through the Witches pet dragon’s telepathic ability. After a long, long walk through the tunnel, during which Skweesh eventually retired to his crude, reclining baby seat on the side of Bree’s saddle. Eventually the tunnel opened up into a huge chamber, tiny spiders and webbing drifting throughout. The merc crept in cautiously, searching for enemies, when suddenly an immense spider leapt down behind him, the others seeing only a massive, dark shape blocking their path. The spider attempted to swat the merc, but was prevented from doing so by a magic deflection. The others leapt into action, throwing spells and a lance at it, and finally killing it when Skweesh leapt from his seat and smurfed it, gaining none of Serayla’s respect in the process.

However, the dead spider blocked off the path, and another one leapt down, leaving Davor to face it alone in the darkness.


Then, in a sudden burst of glory, the merc charged with magical power, and struck off the beasts head in a single blow.

Awkwardly crawling or flying over the carcass of the first spider, the party searched the room. No treasures were discovered, but one of the hundreds of webbed up victims turned out to be alive. The party scanned him with magic, and then carefully unwrapped the figures face, leading to a shriek of terror from what was revealed to be a morlock, a pale, oddly proportioned cave dwelling humanoid.


They spoke with the creature, who told of war between those of his tribe who supported the “Great Kline”, the Pathfinder the group were looking for, and a warlord who opposed him. Also the morlock revealed a hatred of serpentfolk, an great respect for the party, a interest in knights, a reverence for the “ancient ones” and a great love for the great and beautiful “Princess” Juliver. The party accompanied him through the underground going to aid him against the warlord, catching a glimpse of the serpent city of Ilmurea on the way.

Eventually, they came to a gate guarded by the statues of ancient humanoid figures. The morlock, believing it was safe, walked through without harm, but when the merc went with him the statues sprung to life, lashing out at him. The Priest and the Witch threw spells but had difficulty causing any affect at first. The merc battled for his life against the monsters on either side, at one point grabbing away the amulet worn by the screaming morlock in a futile attempt to fool the guardians. Darve charged, stabbing his lance into one and taking a punch to the helmet. However, the knight dodged another blow, which chipped Skweesh’s baby seat. This released the true berserk fury of the angry smurf. Ice spears also erupted from the ground impaling and tripping one of the guardians.

During the battle, Nyles seemed to run foolishly into range of the beast, and subsequently be cut down in single blow. In fact, Nyles simply disappeared, leading to much rejoicing (yay.) when he revealed himself after the statues were finally cut down. They then entered the dark city of the morlocks, hiding in a building on their guides encouragement to hide from a patrol of the warlords troops, and decided to rest there for a time.

As a final sidenote, Skweesh continued to harass the witch throughout the day with his unwanted attention, ignoring the almost certain brutal vengeance that was to come on the day he finally pushed her too far.


Hey, I wasn’t ‘harassing’, I was wooing…there is a difference…right, baby?

Into the Rectum of the Darkland

My baby seat/mini-platform is not crude…its pimp, yo.

Into the Rectum of the Darkland

Merc’s vorpal strike was epic! Woot!

Into the Rectum of the Darkland

Yeah, I bet vorpal doesn’t pay off like that again for a while. Won’t work on undead, like vampires. Great game.

Into the Rectum of the Darkland
Zanton chuckm

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