Sepent's Skull/ Zanton Edition

Skweesh Arrives

papa_smurf.jpg

The diminutive Skweesh, at just over 3’ in his stocking feet, scampers into the jungle encroached city of Saventh-Yhi. The evidence of recent battle is everywhere as he passes through the mercantile district. Upon contact with Sargavan troops, Skweesh presents his papers and is rapidly directed to the residential district which is known to be the most common haunt of the party he seeks—PaoPao’s former shipwrecked adventuring companions.

Officially, Skweesh is here to fulfill PaoPao’s sense of obligation to the party and to fulfill his promise. Unofficially and undisclosed to the group, Skweesh was ‘rescued’ from an orphaned life on the streets of the largest city in Tien by PaoPao who recognized in Skweesh a crafty brute who would come in very handy in establishing and maintaining an illegal drug and poison network. Proving himself to be faithful and effective, Skweesh has been sent on this mission to both help the party and keep a keen eye out for other drug and poison opportunities in the newly rediscovered lands of Saventh-Yhi.

Skweesh has left word with Nyles’ temple acolytes that he can be found in the Randy Pony tavern nearby, and to send word as soon as Nyles and the rest return.

Before entering the tavern, he learns that the party includes a cavalier with an impressive warhorse, so he visits a local carpenter/craftsman/saddler and orders a specialized platform/saddle to be constructed posthaste of wood and leather to be attached to the warhorse’s saddle if Darven would allow it. He thinks this might be a very nice way to travel—elevated and aboard a mighty steed.

After placing a makeshift booster seat on a tavern stool he settles in to nurse as many ales as it takes to pass the time. Of course, being only 41 pounds soaking wet it doesn’t take long before he’s tipsy and singing a collection of on-key but off-color songs of conquests and concubines.

After the group obtained the final crystals (due in no small part to Seralya’s crafty ways and grasp of arcane power), Seralya and the group head back to the city proper for a proper city meal and rest. With word reaching the rest of the populace, Seralya spends much of her waking moments taking relatively peaceful walks though the city and seeing what sort of items she can get from the other travelers and explorers for use once she and her crew venture through the portal.

Saddened, but not entirely surprised, that local memories and stories seem to downplay her role in saving the lives of everyone around, she assists with Nyle’s new church for a while; questioning some of the acolytes and, as always, snooping for rumors of magical items that can help her… oh, and her friends. While at the church, she learns that master-scout PaoPao has sent a new emissary. Armed with his physical description, she heads to the tavern to meet with him.

I am pleased that a man with as much ability as PaoPao was able to send us some help. It was very difficult when circumstances took his scouting ability away from us and gave us just that little trollop. Sure, Fate adequately replaced her with a tolerable half-orc, and I expect to see more good things from him, but that same Fate has no taken both Rod and Hal. Fortunately, if it’s from PaoPao, it is powerful, and if it is a gnome, it is more than just a little skilled in magic. Perhaps he will be kind enough to make me some scrolls from his spellbook and we can assist each other on the field of battle. With two skilled controllers of the arcane out there, everything we come across will easily be defeated.

Despite a crowded bar, the mistress of the arcane can easily make out the miniscule blue wizard propped up on his spellbook at the bar, keeping everyone entertained with his bawdy tunes. The sea of people parts as Seralya approaches the blue-skinned gnome. The young Witch rests a hand on his oddly muscular shoulder and addresses him. “Wonderful to meet you, good sir. Nyle’s acolytes told me I could find PaoPao’s man here. As I’m certain you deduced, I am Seralya and I…” She trails off as she spies the hefty axe at the tiny thing’s side and notices that the “spellbook” is just a few hunks of wood. Taking a closer look, she sees none of the items of magic about the infinitesimal creature’s body that she would expect to be on a fellow wielder of wonders. “…I should advise everyone else of your arrival. Would you care to wait here?”

Turning blurry eyes to Seralya, Skweesh slurs, “Now, wait just a moment, my dear, don’t leave just yet…your beauty inspires me! Maestro, another tune to accompany me my good man…”

Having stirred up the tavern folk with dirty limericks and laughter, the tavern players start another pub tune as Skweesh drops to the ground off his stool. Barely keeping his drunken feet, Skweesh begins to bellow another quick tune while dancing a sloppy jig, “My lady so dark and brooding, don’t run off so fast…For it’d be a shame to say goodbye so soon to your lovely arse!…Though I be so wee and Tien, I lack not in cunning linguists skills and charm…I promise, my dark lady, I’ll leave you breathless and all without harm…Let me treat you to a bit of the sweet meat, and you’ll leave hungering more…but I won’t make you beg or plead, cuz I’d never treat you…like a…like a…”

The tune trails off as Skweesh falls face down in the sawdust and begins to snore a cute little drunken gnome snore while a steady tremolo flatulence slowly escapes his tiny blue behind.

After the gas punctuated silence of his pratfall, the gathered patrons again erupt in a cheer of laughter and raise their pints to their fallen new comrade.

“Hazaah!”

Seralya thinks to herself: Not expected, but certainly not the least probable outcome. Apparently I am forced to deal with people of lesser and lesser use as time moves forward. I simply must find a way to prevent time from moving forward.

The annoyed Witch turns to the recently established bar’s patron. “Has he paid you for all he drank? Never mind, I do not care.” Reaching into her pouch, she pulls out a gold piece. “Here you go. If that is too much, enjoy your boon and much as your life I saved today. If it is too little, feel free to get the rest from me in the future. I’m sure you know where I can be found.”

After doing much less than she wanted to do, but certainly all that could possibly be done given the gnome’s class (or lack thereof), she grabs hold of the strange two-headed beast that has the ability to spout poetry of equal worth from each ends, the axe that was leaning against the gnome’s stool, and a tankard of ale. She then cries in a dejected voice "Tele…

…port.

“Ah, you are all here. Look at the… fine… gift that PaoPao has provided us. He apparently is Bard skilled in axes and the Stinking Cloud spell. Prior to entering his current state, he promised me ‘no harm’. I will provide the same for him. For now.”

Taking a sip of her ale, Seralya shakes her head. “This barely needs anything from me, but I am a generous person.” Upon casting Putrefy Food and Drink on the tankard, she empties a waterskin on the newcomer until he wakes.

Patting his cheek in a way that could never be called “softly”, the Witch addresses the walking blueberry of air. “Arise, my sweet wordsmith, and have another ale. I have brought you to the rest of the people you seek. Pray, tell us your tale.”

Upon being so rudely awakened from his paid for slumber, Skweesh sits upright on the floor of the temple antechamber. After blinking away the suds some vague memories return with the fading sting of Seralya’s slap. “Smurfin-A, me sweet, slap me again if you like—I should have known you’d like the rough stuff! Indeed! But, I digress… My apologies for my less than stellar introduction, but you know the old saying, ‘When in the Mwangi jungle…’ hehe, Anyway, I hope my bonafides from Master PaoPao arrived ahead of me, and if they did, then you know that I come to be of service—more to some then others, me lady.” He says looking at Seralya while wiggling his pink eyebrows.

“So, if I can be of service, I’ll be ready to go after a quick wee and a plop. As far as a tale, I could sing you quite a few, but for now just know I’m not bad with an axe—even one of this size—and although I’ve been told I have a wee bit of an anger problem, I’ll not leave you in the midst of a battle. And just as a small token of PaoPao’s thanks, he sends this.” Skweesh drops a leather satchel of 10,000gp on the floor.

“So, Sir Nyles, where be the nearest plopping place? I’ve got a plop in me that would choke an otyugh…”

“Just go down the hallway to the left. If you are not positive that you are in the correct place, ASK AN ACOLYTE! When you are finished and presentable, come back and say what needs to be said.” Seralya almost shouts exasperated.

“Have they ever told you how sexy you are when you’re angry? The way your eyes begin to smolder with menace…ohhhh…to shimmy up those legs…off to the plopper I go…”

Once the tiny troll has left, Seralya turns to the rest of the party and speaks. “Whatever we get from him, we need to prepare for going through the portal. Our proverbial coffers are filled with items that none of us require. I suggest that, since this town has grown, and I have ways of getting to other locations regardless, we should liquidate much of what we have and stock up on items we need and will use. I can think off several things that would have made our last scrap go a little better.”

Comments

Zanton chuckm

I'm sorry, but we no longer support this web browser. Please upgrade your browser or install Chrome or Firefox to enjoy the full functionality of this site.